


Cliche Fix It

by Strssdanddprssd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 what 15x20, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix it? IDK, M/M, SO, That ending was wack, but then again, kinda cliche, neither were the last two episodes, not every good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strssdanddprssd/pseuds/Strssdanddprssd
Summary: This was basically just catharsis after the finale pissed me off lol. First fic, but might write more because one thing this episode did was motivate me to write, so maybe it wasn't so bad? Sorry if it's OOC, I wrote this in an hour. Hope you enjoy :)'Cas’ absence felt like a physical wound. Which, honestly, would’ve been preferable. He could nurse an injury, fix it, tough it out until it healed. But the empty space where his best friend used to be would forever hurt. Would never truly heal, even if it got easier to handle. Dean would have to live the rest of his life knowing that any chance at true happiness he’d had, had disappeared into the Empty with Cas, his ‘I love you’ still ringing in his ears.'
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 11





	Cliche Fix It

It was easy to settle into that old habit of pretending to be alright after they defeated Chuck. It’s what he’s always strived to do when confronted with his emotions, and between Sam being happy and Jack putting the world back together again, there was no room left for his pity party. No room for his regrets. If he was unhappy, so what? What was new? Isn’t that what he’d always expected from his life?

  
Still.

  
Cas’s absence felt like a physical wound. Which, honestly, would’ve been preferable. He could nurse an injury, fix it, tough it out until it healed. But the empty space where his best friend used to be would forever hurt. Would never truly heal, even if it got easier to handle. Dean would have to live the rest of his life knowing that any chance at true happiness he’d had, had disappeared into the Empty with Cas, his ‘I love you’ still ringing in his ears.

  
It had all happened so fast. It was no excuse for his lack of response, but, fuck; he hadn’t even known Cas could feel that way. Had never done anything about the tension he felt between them because he hadn’t wanted to ruin the best relationship he had that wasn’t his brother. Perhaps, his best relationship including his brother. He loved Sammy, of course, but he didn’t… love him, obviously. But he feels like maybe, maybe he could’ve loved Cas.

  
Who was he kidding? Of course, he loved Cas. Had for a while, sure, but had never had the balls to recognize it for what it was. He’d felt something, obviously, but Cas was an angel. How could an angel ever love him? He’d done so many fucked up things during his relatively short life, compared to Cas’s celestial existence. And Cas, Cas had seen him at his absolute worst. Had seen him in Hell, torturing souls and breaking the first seal. Had seen him take the Mark and become a demon. Had seen him point a gun at the one person he’d always wanted to protect… He couldn’t imagine anyone loving him, if they were privy to all of that, much less an angel.

  
And yet. His angel had apparently loved him despite all of this. And it was a lot to process, a lot to bear, when he knew that it had been that love that had been Cas’ undoing.

  
“When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!”

  
The other angels had all made it a point to tell him that he was Cas’s weakness, that Cas wasn’t stronger or better for having known him. And, while he might not have believed them then, now he thinks- no, now he knows- that they were right. He was Cas’s weakness. Despite what Cas had said, he was the ultimate killer. Even when he desperately didn’t want to be.

  
But, he couldn’t let Cas’s memory of him be wrong. If Cas thought Dean did everything for love, then the very least he could do was honor that.  
He would spend the rest of his life trying to be the man Cas had thought he was.

Opening the door to the Bunker felt bittersweet. He supposed that he should be grateful that he even had a home to return to- or, that he was able to do anything at all, really. They’d just fought God, after all. But this place would now also forever hold the memory of Cas’ goodbye. Would now and forever represent everything Dean could’ve had but had been too scared to take.

  
Sam had entered before him, Dean taking a moment just outside, breathing in the fresh air around him. It occurred to him that they fought God. He started laughing, borderline hysterical cackles that shook his entire body. Tears sprang into his eyes unbidden, and he wasn’t entirely sure whether they were from the force of his unhinged laughter or another reason entirely.

  
Sam turned away from the door and towards him with a concerned expression on his face, eyebrows drawn together in a silent question.  
“What?” He asked as Dean doubled over and put his hands on his knees as his laughter continued.

  
“Sammy- Sammy, we just fought God! God, Sam!” He let out a couple more hiccuping chuckles “And we lived!”

  
The corner of Sam’s mouth quirked up, but his eyes remained concerned, probably for Dean’s mental state.

  
“Our lives are pretty crazy, huh?” Sam allowed a small forced huff escaping his lips, an intended facsimile of Dean’s uncontrollable fit that fell comically short.  
Wiping the tears gathering at his eyes and trying to pull himself together, Dean shook his head and straightened himself. He felt breakable. Like if it wasn’t laughter, it would be tears, or screams, or catatonic shock… Either way, he felt like the tentative control he had over his mind was sewing thread-thin and frayed. He wanted nothing more than to welcome the artificial calming numbness of whatever was strongest in his liquor cabinet, but… he’d made a vow to himself, hadn’t he? To be better, for Cas, even if he wasn’t there to witness it?

  
“Sorry, man. It’s just… been a lot.” He attempted.

  
Sam nodded, still giving him that concerned expression. “Yeah, you got that right. Let’s go in, yeah?”

  
“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Dean nodded again, wiping his hands against his jeans for lack of something better to do, making to follow his baby brother back into the Bunker.

  
Only to be blocked by that same baby brother, who’d just stopped dead in his tracks. He ran into Sam’s solid back unceremoniously, nose colliding with Sam’s shoulder blade. “What the fuck, Sammy?”

  
“Cas?” Sam whispered instead of answering him, but that singular name was enough of an answer for Dean. “Is that really you?”

  
“Yes, Sam, it’s…really me.” Dean needed no other incentive to push his brother aside at the sound of that gravelly tone. He had to see for himself. Had to make sure this wasn’t just another trick. Sam went with little resistance.

  
His eyes found the angel with ease. He was standing near the map table, looking for all the world like he’d always been there. Like he hadn’t been taken by the Empty merely days ago. Trench coat on, tie backward, hair a controlled mess. Dean couldn’t begin to describe the emotions that elicited within him, seeing his best friend, his angel, staring up at him.

  
“How are you here?” He asked, and winced immediately at his unintentionally harsh tone. Real smooth, Winchester.

  
“I don’t know. One minute I was in the Empty, the next I was here, but… Dean, I’m human. I think… I think, whatever got me out, left my grace there.”

  
“But you’re all here, right? Part of you isn’t still rotting in the Empty, is it?” Dean asked, finally finding his legs and making his way down the stairs and towards Cas.

  
“Not that I can tell, no. Grace isn’t like a soul, it’s more like… a battery, rather than a consciousness.” Cas explained, eyes trained on Dean as he made his way closer. Dean could practically feel Cas’ apprehension like he wasn’t sure what to make of them meeting again after their last encounter. “I have to confess, I hadn’t expected to come back, human or not, after… after my deal.”

  
Dean was so close now. He could reach out and touch Cas if he wanted to. He didn’t even know what Sam was doing at the moment, he was so focused on the newly minted human in front of him.

  
“Cas, you can’t actually believe that I’d just… just let you stay dead? After everything? You’re my best friend, man.” Cas tried to avert his gaze but Dean held firm. “Besides, you’ve come back from the Empty before. Why would we let you spend eternity there when you don’t have to?”

  
“I… don’t know,” Cas said, looking uncomfortable, eyes flickering all over Dean’s face, likely trying to gauge his reaction.  
Dean shook his head, laughing an entirely different laugh from just moments before, this one filled with… something akin to hope, his hold on his sanity already strengthening.

  
“Stupid” he chastized without any heat, stepping right into Cas’s personal space. “If anything, you should’ve known I’d come for you if only so I could tell you what I think of what you said just before you left. Do you want to know what I think, Cas?” He asked. Cas looked at him with wide eyes that were so, so blue.  
“Do I?” Cas countered, voice barely a whisper.

  
Dean nodded minutely “I think it might interest you.” He said “Because you’re wrong. So wrong, Cas.”  
Cas frowned “No I’m not-”

  
“Let me finish, you already got your turn. It’s my turn now.” Dean took a deep breath, mustering the strength to finally talk about his feelings. He had to remind himself that this conversation was nothing short of a gift- however, Cas was back, he couldn’t waste any more time. At any rate, it was long overdue.

“What you said, about how you couldn’t have the one thing- the one thing you wanted? Well, that’s where you’re wrong because, Cas, you already have it. If I’m right, and I think that I am, you’ve had it for a long time. I was just too stupid to realize. I guess we both were. But. But, if you still want it… you still have it, Cas.”  
Dean couldn’t read the expression on Cas’s face; it wasn’t shock, or disgust, or hope or… any of those things. He was just… staring at him, eyes wide and calculating, mouth slightly agape.

  
Finally, he said, “Dean… do you really mean tha-”

  
Dean, hoping that he hadn’t somehow horrifically misread the entire situation, decided that fuck it. He fought God. I can kiss a man if I want to. So, he grabbed Cas’ lapels and took the plunge.

  
Cas’ lips were chapped, but felt like coming home. Dean wasn’t sure how something he’d never experienced could feel so familiar, but he’d be damned it didn’t feel like he’d been made to do this.

  
Cas didn’t respond for a beat. Just long enough for Dean to seriously rethink his entire existence. But, after the initial shock wore off, Cas threw his entire body into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck and pulling him down for better leverage.

  
Dean’s hands left the man’s coat to settle around his waist, pulling closer. He felt like he couldn’t physically get Cas close enough like he needed them to be pressed together for it to be real that Cas wouldn’t just disappear.

  
When they broke apart, Dean rested his forehead against Cas’, looking into his eyes with renewed fire.

“Don’t you ever sacrifice yourself like that again, you hear me?”

Cas smiled a crooked, gummy smile. “Alright.”

Dean smiled back, thinking that while Cas may have been wrong about who he could and couldn’t have, he had been right about one thing.

Good things do happen.


End file.
